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Living in this day and age is certainly interesting and can be fraught with stress, obstacles and constant anxiety. I know that it is said that two people can look at the same situation or the same piece of art and come away with two separate interpretations of it. Neither could technically be said to be wrong.
I have heard some refer to this time in history as being a post truth civilization; inferring that there is no absolute truth. You also see people speaking of “my truth” to explain/defend their side of things. But is there absolute truth? Do facts and evidence transcend feelings and emotions? Many would say yes, but some may argue the definition of what a “fact” is…it’s subjective for them. There seem to be facts in certain realms of life such as science and the law of gravity for instance. We can see that this is true so there is no real reason to recoil from that because its hurtful or controversial in any way. So when it comes to relationships in your life or other sociological experiences in life, are there facts as well? Even if you don’t like the facts or they make you feel uncomfortable, does that make them any less true technically?
As a born pragmatist this is a very real struggle. Wading into the deep river of emotions and feelings to justify behavior is as comfortable for me as laying on a bed of nails. It is just an impossible quandary. Things for me need to be black/white and justified or not! Accusations without proof, examples or justification and commonsense, are like an internal nuclear meltdown in my brain! I used to see very little room for nuance in this area of my life. For instance, if you didn’t like me and you didn’t even know me…then you better have a good reason as to why you’re choosing to be mean to me and claiming to others that you don’t like me. Or, if somebody commits an illegal act or crime (and are caught concretely doing it), then there should be punishment that fits the crime. Right? Pragmatists like a world of order! It makes us feel comforted and safe. We respect authority and we are not looking to butt heads with them unintentionally…ever.
But in speaking to many people about their insecurities and anxieties that are impeding their life, many times it all comes back to events in their past in which they felt powerless or victimized in some way. They may have been left feeling robbed of their dignity or their self-worth and have now based their current life outlook on these very defining moments in their past. It’s very insidious. Most don’t even realize that they have such negative self-limiting outlooks on their life and of other people. Some of these are born out of real experiences and some are unfortunately borrowed from the stories and experiences of people around them who may have raised them (intentionally or unintentionally) on a steady diet of negativity, limiting beliefs and victimhood: • We can’t afford that! • Well, I guess you won’t be a rocket scientist! • Rich people are thieves and selfish; Money is the root of all evil. • Those people think they’re better than us. How can anyone turn out empowered and positive about their life ahead if they are binging on a steady diet of negativity and limits?
Allowing Nuance to Soften Pragmatism and Control Personal Narratives and Emotional Response
As I mentioned above, it has historically been very difficult for me and many others like me to not completely bristle at: • False Accusations • Unexpected Mistreatment • Mischaracterizations • LYING • Unequal Treatment or Punishment for Same Crimes (or infractions) • Cold Shoulder Treatment
I could continue with several more for this list but you get the idea. I would automatically react with righteous anger because I didn’t EARN the punishment in my view…I hadn’t done anything to deserve the treatment that I received.
So how do you begin to rectify facts vs feelings in all types of relationships? Well, its not always possible because feelings are nuanced and cumulative. But, what you can do is understand that everyone behaves and reacts to things the way they do because of their own personal stories (whether they are based in fiction or true events) which have shaped them into having these reactions and behaviors. THEY ARE REAL to them. Perception is reality. Knowing this is the beginning of your personal evolution and upward momentum.
I Discovered That Chronic Victimhood or Underdog Syndrome is a CHOICE
You are a product of your past. – Every challenge, hurt, mean word you received, or heard about others receiving, has shaped your experience. You are a product of that accumulation. Everything you think and feel is based on subconscious pre-judged and pre-determined responses and outcomes. If you don’t become AWARE of your subconscious MIND MOVIES you will never be able to flip the channel and change the course. An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others has absolutely nothing to do with them. Each day you get to decide which one you will be!
Victim is a label and an option; choose wisely. – Your outer world is simply a reflection of what is going on inside of you…. spending time with empowered positive and inspirational people will alter your world and your life experience will be impacted by your choices! Hang around all victims and victim minded apologists, then you will never be released from that prison. Break free and embrace your worth.
“Surround yourself with the kind of people that will impact positively on your life. When you surround yourself with people who are constantly feeling victimized, they will tend to bring you down as well. So in order to succeed, you would be wise to associate with people who are going to have an inspiring, encouraging influence on your life.” Dr. John Demartini
This one was a tough one for me. Again, because of that cause and effect part of my brain, I need to feel justified that the punishment I may be receiving is directly related to a crime; a REAL crime not a fake or perceived infraction on my part. I need hard cold evidence so I can evaluate the situation! However, I have learned that you can’t win people over no matter how hard you try with reason or facts because hurt people just want to stay hurt. They will heal when they are ready to heal. It’s not on my timetable it’s on theirs. So, I have to take back my power from them and don’t give any of my positive energy to negative because it will be instantly wasted. I can’t win all the arguments on facts and reality no matter how hard I try! I just have to get comfortable with being free and not always being proven right. It’s a great relief!!
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