5 Tips for Success From a Recovering Pragmatist

Success is whatever we define it personally to be. For some, success means simply, to be happy, for others success means to be financially bountiful. Whatever the end goal of success may be for you there are still basic self imposed rules that we place upon the journey to success. The power, or lack thereof, lies in those rules. As a die-hard pragmatist, everything I did was measured against those “self-imposed” rules. Rules that I, subconsciously, placed there in order to protect myself from failure, embarrassment or let down. It was not until I did a thorough self-evaluation did I realize that among other things, the one main attribute that I used to like about myself was the very thing that held me back from pursuing the success in life that I absolutely desired; my pragmatism. Pragmatism….everything is black and white…always protected me, defended me, kept things under control for me, allowed me to proceed with caution on all fronts of my life so that I wouldn’t have to look like a fool for trying things that I actually really wanted to try or do. So now that I have found out this “life hack” that I am no longer bound by self-imposed imprisonment of my potential, I want to share it withall my fellow pragmatists out there because you know who you are…

Failure Means that Success is Just a Little Further Down the Road: Admit it, a pragmatic person is nearly allergic to failure or rejection. We don’t want to be exposed as an impostor. We have perfectly curated our image and skill set so the last thing we want is to blow the cover off of our perfectly coiffed personal brand. We want to be the most sensible person in the room. We can recite evidence for every decision we have arrived at, we can roll out facts, figures, flow charts you name it, to protect our decisions. Therefore we cannot possibly fail because we were so cautious and sure that the only roles we would take on are the ones we demonstrably have done with success in the past; anything beyond that is far too risky for us. Well, guess what? If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you always got. Ask yourself, if you died today would you be taking any dreams and unused talents with you? I know I can say unequivocally YES to that. I just couldn’t live with that now that I am mindful of this concept. I have consciously decided to say good-bye to my old friend fear and hello to positivity. I now talk to myself about the fact that failure is just a small bathroom break on the way to my final destination of success. Pursue the ideas that are IN you, not what’s expected OF you by others…..that has been so freeing! This leads me to my next tip… Stop Being a People Pleaser: You know what I mean. Not much explanation is needed here. Not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do to make them happy. I realized that I was trying to make everyone else around me happy…but me. You know what was the real rub was on this…it didn’t work anyway. You can’t fake happiness especially with your friends and family. They can sense the energy you put out whether they can clearly decipher it or not…they know. The old adage, “If mama ain’t happy; ain’t nobody happy”. Very profound wisdom there. Happiness comes from within and is not to be confused with contentedness or complacency. Let that sink in for a bit…. Success Leaves Clues & Patterns: You may have heard this quote before. How many times have you heard somebody say, If I can just get through this day or this week or this year, things will all get so much better. We are unwittingly in survival mode a lot of the time because life is challenging. It is busy and sometimes it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day; or this is what we tell ourselves…so it is. My favorite quote is from Henry Ford, he says “Whether you think you can or you can’t; you’re right.” Once I became aware of just how much power my mind wielded over my life this quote struck me as so profound and ultimately life-changing. I had to stop, dead in my tracks and take stock of what my thoughts and “mind-movies” as I now like to call them, had been up to this point. What do you say to yourself throughout the day if you really stopped to be mindful about it? I’m going to tell you, you would be shocked at the things you say to yourself which in my case my self talk ultimately lead to a very calculated and underwhelming use of my natural gifts and talents. I was not putting myself out there because what difference could I make? There are so many better writers, speakers, motivators, life coaches out there; what makes me think I would succeed…the old Impostor Syndrome! If all of us would just stop, take the time to reconnect with ourselves and get re-acquainted with ourselves, we would be so amazed at the outcome. Success leaves clues…at times you may have to go all the way back to childhood to remember what you like, what you are just NATURALLY good at and what lights you up. There have been clues all along the way. We were far less inhibited as children then we are as adults so what were we good at then? What did we like to do then? After doing this quiet exercise for a few days, I re-remembered that I liked ballet and I was good at it. So I ran out and signed up for adult ballet…it lights me up. I shunned my practicality and inhibitions and said…I’m doing this for me and I don’t care what anyone says about it! It was great. What clues has your UN-pursued life left for you? Feed Your Faith and Starve Your Doubt: This also takes some practice but in what has become my new normal and mantra, if there is an idea inside me and I get a prompting about it, I will now act on it no matter how illogical it may sound. Sometimes you just have to listen to your instincts or your gut and act on what it tells you if it is in alignment with who you are. For example, I had a little quick thought like wow wouldn’t be great to be Tiger Woods out there and experience winning the Masters after this long road back to success….that would not be a thought that was in alignment with who I am, because I am an atrocious golfer despite my best efforts…terrible…just terrible. However, it was the following of that internal nudge that ultimately lead me to a abrupt career change into Life Coaching. I really had never even heard of such a thing, but as mentioned above, success leaves clues! I had been the unofficial life coach to all of my friends and even acquaintances my entire life, inadvertently. It was as if destiny just reached down and dropped this neatly into my lap and now here I am. I will continue to believe that I am walking in the path that I was always meant to walk in and it feels invigorating every single day of my life. Think Big in Small Spaces: Limits, labels, parameters, stereotypes, judgments…we have all felt and absorbed the messages that society has foisted upon us. We make snap judgment upon ourselves and others because society has told us to. You are a victim, you are oppressed, you are under-educated, you are not smart. Sometimes it can be hopeless to even dare to dream because of where we came from or who are parents were or how much money we have or don’t have. I’m here to declare that no matter what your life circumstances are, your future will not be defined by them if you dare to want better for yourself AND believe that you can have better. I don’t care who you are. Also play big. I so wish someone had told me this in a realistic conversation and explained to me why this is true for me. There are many unaccounted for years that I just was getting by and limiting my potential because nobody gave me “permission” to be a success. Everyone had permission to succeed. Always go bigger than your practicality says you should. If it’s in you and aligned with who you are, I truly believe you can have it. We would have NONE of the modern inventions if those people played small ball. Thank goodness they didn’t. They were the crazy ones that followed their instincts and put aside their inhibitions and went for it. Remember that. Life is now and it is NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT. Get in the game and stop wasting time. It will be the best decision you have ever made.

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